Punctuation Advice from an Internet Pioneer (Writing Tip #3)

ADHD, the early Internet, and exclamation points! Plus, see my first website from 1996.

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As I continue exploring [b]old age, I want to start answering some of your questions and quandaries about all things to do with aging: from committing to creative pursuits as you age (especially writing into [b]old age), to society’s treatment of older folks, to the pressure to stay positive about aging even as your health declines.

If you are seeking advice or answers to anything related to aging (or writing), pose a question via the button below. I will do my very best to honor your question with a response in an upcoming post.

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And now, on to today’s essay…

You decide… does being an Internet pioneer make me a badass [b]old woman??

I was an Internet pioneer

When AOL announced its email service in 1993, I grabbed wordbiz@aol.com.¹ I was in the “business of words,” after all. Shortly after, I posted a question in an AOL chat room and a guy in Australia answered. A person I didn’t know and would never meet. On the other side of the world. I don’t remember the exact question but it was probably about how to use Adobe PageMaker (since discontinued and replaced with InDesign). Such a small encounter and yet it was so significant.

It meant human connection was possible on a scale that had never before been imagined. I could talk and interact with anyone, anywhere in the world, at any time (never mind time zones). It’s hard to remember how revolutionary this was, how astonishing! It was clear 30 years ago that the Internet (and I understood even then that AOL was a small part of it) would change everything.

Not that anyone I knew, including my children, then in their teens, had any idea what I was talking about. I was an early, early adopter. Like Alice falling down the rabbit hole, I fell into the Internet by accident. Such a strange place and yet I felt right at home. The Internet was made for people like me.

Around the same time (in the mid-90s), I discovered I had ADHD: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I was in my mid-40s and it explained so much: why I lost track of time and was often late for appointments (I was focusing on something else), why my mind worked so fast that I often interrupted people when they were speaking (this is still a problem with my husband), and why I had procrastinated so mightily on writing assignments in high school and college. My thoughts and ideas were so confused, so tangled together, that it was very hard to separate them. When I finally did, I often discovered they were quite original. That was nice, but oh the pain to get to that point of clarity. 

But on the Web, I didn’t have to unravel everything about my topic right away. I could embed hyperlinks so the reader would click from one site to another, going deeper and deeper to elucidate a topic or idea. That also worked for the hyperfocus of my ADHD. I pictured a web page as three dimensional: the words were on the surface level and the hyperlinks plunged down to endless, separate depths. There was no end to the “connections” and I surfed (did we actually call it that back then?) for hours. In short, the web fed my addiction to novelty and distraction (a typical symptom of those with ADHD). I couldn’t get enough of it!

In 1996 I took a short course in HTML programming; this sounds impressive but was ridiculously easy, I promise. Soon after, I launched my first website. I’d started a small graphic design and editing business creating paper newsletters, so I kept “wordbiz” as my email and registered the same domain name for my website — wordbiz.com. I stayed up all night to finish coding it and proudly announced to my husband the next morning that I had created a website. “Huh??” he said. So did everyone else I knew.

This is a screenshot of my first website from 1996. I coded it myself in HTML. I still love the ink pot & keyboard image.

My website was very simple: the home page with a few links to internal pages. But it was a sufficient digital business card and it was my first home on the Internet. I’d created it myself, and I was proud of it.

When I look back on these early years online, one thing that jumps out is my feeling of fluency. I was in a medium I intuitively understood. I could sit down at the keyboard and tap out words as fluently as if I were masterfully playing the piano (which I cannot do). I knew how to write like a journalist (which I’d been for the previous two decades), I understood when and how to use hyperlinks, and I also understood how important “tone” was depending on what kind of online writing I was doing: writing an email, chatting in a forum, drafting a web page, even writing an online newsletter.

Which brings me to a mini writing tip…

Exclamation points in emails vs. essays

Those of us with Substacks know our newsletters are primarily viewed as emails but can also be shared beyond the inbox as standalone web pages. As an email, your writing should be a bit personalized. Thankfully, there’s an option to add email headers above our articles.

In these email headers, it makes sense to be informal and upbeat. You might have an exciting announcement to make, or perhaps you’re encouraging your reader to become a paid subscriber and you want to do it without being too heavy-handed. Or maybe you just want to express gratitude for the person opening your email.

As an old-school editor I admit I tend to shy away from using exclamation points. Many times they dilute the impact of what you’re trying to say rather than strengthening it. But in these email headers, the exclamation point can be your friend.

Actually, this excited little punctuation mark can be a real lifesaver! It softens the tone of what you’re trying to say. It makes you sound light-hearted, pleasant, and earnest. And makes it much easier for your recipient to hear what you’re saying as positive. This is especially true if you are leaving a comment on a Substack essay, or writing a Note, or sending a text to a friend or family member. Try it! Use exclamation points with abandon in these cases!

But in your essay, which will also be published as a web page, beware overuse of exclamation points. You generally don’t need them. They can make you sound a little silly and even lessen the impact of what you’re trying to say. There are exceptions, of course. Exclamations are appropriate in a direct quote of dialogue or when something is TRULY remarkable (all caps should be used sparingly for the same reasons). I feel quite justified in using an exclamation at the end of this sentence in my first paragraph above: “It’s hard to remember how revolutionary this was, how astonishing!”

Example

In a recent essay about (still) searching for acceptance and approval, I initially wrote the paragraph below with an exclamation point in the second half:

“So, if there’s a unifying theme here that explains why I’m an

Alex Dobrenko`

fangirl for life, despite the nearly 40-year age gap, it’s that we’re both trying to come to terms with who we are: our plaguing insecurities, our die-hard perfectionism, our unrelenting need for acceptance. In my case, I should say I’m still trying. If I could tell my writing crush one thing, it’s that I’m actually a bit envious of him! He’s got so many decades ahead of him to figure everything out, whereas I’m almost running out of time.”

What I actually published was this version, without the exclamation point:

“ …In my case, I should say I’m still trying. If I could tell my writing crush one thing, it’s that I’m actually a bit envious of him. He’s got so many decades ahead of him to figure everything out, whereas I’m almost running out of time.”

Do you see the difference? In the second example, without the exclamation point, I am still getting my point across — but with a different tone. Instead of relying on the exclamation, which makes my sentiment feel a bit overwrought, I’m expressing my intensity through word choice. Ironically, the absence of the exclamation point gives my words more weight.

So that’s my mini writing tip. Make the exclamation point your friend online, but know when to use her. And when to bar the door!

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Coming soon…

To this day, I recognize my addiction to the online world. It’s fast, it’s fun, it’s immediate. As such an early adopter of all things digital, I felt cool for a long time. I understood it all.

Despite my presence here on Substack, that feeling is waning. I no longer care as much about being cool. I want to slow down. Nor do I adopt every new thing. (I’ve never used TikTok.) Although I’ve been known to call myself a badass [b]old lady…

And a quick note

By supporting me as a paid subscriber, you are supporting my ability to keep writing these essays; you are supporting the idea of reflecting deeply on the phases of life, especially moving from midlife to old age; and you are becoming a member of a small group of people who actively engage in honest discussion about old age, which includes pain and sadness, as well as many unexpected rewards.

1. My AOL email still works, 30 years later, but I don’t use it. However, I stuck with “wordbiz” and use it for Gmail.