One ‘old’ man over 80. Five in their 70s and six in their 60s.
As you say, hardly representative. I stopped paid work at 62 after 55 years (until I left school at 15, I did a paper round from the age of seven). I retired from serving on committees and being an active volunteer at 70, having started at 15. At 80 I still do things when my vanity is appealed to and follow my own interests: writing on paperbags (see paperbagstories.substack.com) in a local cafe, creating original local public transport maps, some of which get published by sponsors and creating cube art. I became an active Young Socialist at 15. Now I am an Old Socialist, angrier than I was 65 years ago, as I watch the world go backwards. I love my wife with the same passion as the day when we became a couple, two days after we met, back in 1965. We have been waking up together ever since. I write as One Lucky Old Bunny. Above all, I am a romantic who believes in love, humans greatest gift to themselves.🐰
Very interesting to read how other [b]old men feel about aspects of being [b]old. I certainly don’t feel invisible. I used to at times when I was working and my ideas were just ignored. They basically weren’t even considered and rejected, just completely ignored. I’m no longer in that sort of environment admittedly but my opinions and ideas are now considered more by those around me. They are of course mainly familiar or other [b]old people.
I really don't feel invisible. I keep meaning to say this, but I end up pursuing other thoughts. If anything, I feel more visible than when I was younger.
{B}old men and {B}old women seem to dissipate in later years. Some may be stuck in earlier assigned and accepted roles according to expectations.Those can change and so can we. Biggest surprise? I am still here and doing well! at 87.
Gary, this is intriguing. And good for you for thriving at 87! I know I feel closer to my husband in my 70s (more accepting, more forgiving). Maybe the “differences” between old women and old men do iron out. I’m going to continue exploring this question.
full disclosure: I left out the answers to one question for these men: “How do you think [b]old men and [b]old women are different?” My editor Erin Shetron and I didn’t want the post to be too long. Their answer?? Almost all said, “I don’t know!” Kinda fascinating…
I'm struck by your comment that maybe we can change that societal impulse to delegitimize us. I believe we can, and I believe the way to do it is to make our voices heard, as you're doing through your essays here on Substack. Older women crave each other's voices. Just look at reader reviews of any new Romance novel featuring main characters over fifty. That's why I encourage older women to write our vivid stories: Stories that capture the vibrancy of women's actual lives, not the stereotypes we've lived with for so long. I have one book out already to support older women writers, and my next book, "Write and Sell a Well-Seasoned Romance," will be out this summer. Plus I publish a guest blog by a different woman author over fifty on the tenth of each month on my website, www.stellafosse.com. Hope to see y'all there!
I nearly wrote last week, when you announced this post, that I expected a lot of them would comment on the importance of their wives. Something lovely happens to older men where they become more affectionate and more appreciative of their wives. I see this appreciation in my own home, but also elsewhere. One of the first things I noticed when I started reading Garrison Keillor's Substack was how incredibly admiring he is of his wife. I don't know whether it is the fact that they are not competing at work so much or simply a loss of testosterone (or some other explanation), but my view is that we are all driven by our hormones! Incidentally, your post was the spark for a long intimate conversation with my husband on the issues, but I couldn't begin to summarise it here.
![[B]OLD AGE with Debbie Weil](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/e_trim:10:white/e_trim:10:transparent/h_72,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb939748d-5d80-4d0f-867c-2ed252ac633c_1344x256.png)
One ‘old’ man over 80. Five in their 70s and six in their 60s.
As you say, hardly representative. I stopped paid work at 62 after 55 years (until I left school at 15, I did a paper round from the age of seven). I retired from serving on committees and being an active volunteer at 70, having started at 15. At 80 I still do things when my vanity is appealed to and follow my own interests: writing on paperbags (see paperbagstories.substack.com) in a local cafe, creating original local public transport maps, some of which get published by sponsors and creating cube art. I became an active Young Socialist at 15. Now I am an Old Socialist, angrier than I was 65 years ago, as I watch the world go backwards. I love my wife with the same passion as the day when we became a couple, two days after we met, back in 1965. We have been waking up together ever since. I write as One Lucky Old Bunny. Above all, I am a romantic who believes in love, humans greatest gift to themselves.🐰
A privilege to be included among this cast of wise men. Thanks Debbie. You did a great job of curating answers to form a guide to being a post 60 man.
David, I wonder if any group of 60-70-80-something men might not turn out to be wise! I so appreciated the thoughtful answers.
Very interesting to read how other [b]old men feel about aspects of being [b]old. I certainly don’t feel invisible. I used to at times when I was working and my ideas were just ignored. They basically weren’t even considered and rejected, just completely ignored. I’m no longer in that sort of environment admittedly but my opinions and ideas are now considered more by those around me. They are of course mainly familiar or other [b]old people.
the invisible thing… perhaps that’s the biggest difference between old men and old women. Men don’t feel “not seen;” women do.
I really don't feel invisible. I keep meaning to say this, but I end up pursuing other thoughts. If anything, I feel more visible than when I was younger.
Gender differences between
{B}old men and {B}old women seem to dissipate in later years. Some may be stuck in earlier assigned and accepted roles according to expectations.Those can change and so can we. Biggest surprise? I am still here and doing well! at 87.
Gary, this is intriguing. And good for you for thriving at 87! I know I feel closer to my husband in my 70s (more accepting, more forgiving). Maybe the “differences” between old women and old men do iron out. I’m going to continue exploring this question.
I really enjoyed the post and I am so sorry for you loss of your Dad. I love that you added him to the post, perfect tribute.
thank you Leslie!
full disclosure: I left out the answers to one question for these men: “How do you think [b]old men and [b]old women are different?” My editor Erin Shetron and I didn’t want the post to be too long. Their answer?? Almost all said, “I don’t know!” Kinda fascinating…
Truth be told my answer wasn’t “I don’t know” but it’s true I don’t. ☺️
Prayers for your Dad’s spirit as it joins your Mother’s—somewhere. 🙏
Dee, I was truly fascinated by the “don’t know’s.” Maybe it’s because [b]old women KNOW that we’re different from [b]old men!
Hi Debbie,
I'm struck by your comment that maybe we can change that societal impulse to delegitimize us. I believe we can, and I believe the way to do it is to make our voices heard, as you're doing through your essays here on Substack. Older women crave each other's voices. Just look at reader reviews of any new Romance novel featuring main characters over fifty. That's why I encourage older women to write our vivid stories: Stories that capture the vibrancy of women's actual lives, not the stereotypes we've lived with for so long. I have one book out already to support older women writers, and my next book, "Write and Sell a Well-Seasoned Romance," will be out this summer. Plus I publish a guest blog by a different woman author over fifty on the tenth of each month on my website, www.stellafosse.com. Hope to see y'all there!
Stella, wonderful - will check out!
I nearly wrote last week, when you announced this post, that I expected a lot of them would comment on the importance of their wives. Something lovely happens to older men where they become more affectionate and more appreciative of their wives. I see this appreciation in my own home, but also elsewhere. One of the first things I noticed when I started reading Garrison Keillor's Substack was how incredibly admiring he is of his wife. I don't know whether it is the fact that they are not competing at work so much or simply a loss of testosterone (or some other explanation), but my view is that we are all driven by our hormones! Incidentally, your post was the spark for a long intimate conversation with my husband on the issues, but I couldn't begin to summarise it here.
Debbie this is a great post!! What a fantastic idea and I love every response.
Isabel, me too!
Thinking of you in the loss of your dad, and thanks for this post. It was eye opening and confirming!
Mary, I left out the answers to one question… see my comment added to this post!
I'm sorry for your loss, Debbie.
it was a lovely, long goodbye (15 months after my mom died) so it’s a bit of a relief. old, old age is not for sissies…