Mirror, Mirror

I asked ten women in their early 70s about their appearance and body image. The result? Many of us can't get rid of "constant awareness."

If I’m going to tell you what getting old is really like—the blessings and the bullshit—I have to be honest: I still care about my appearance. 

I’m only 72, and old age hasn’t cured me of my vanity (yet), though I often wish it would. Ever since I turned 70, I’ve noticed a ‘spare tire’ around my middle, and it bothers me daily. I keep thinking of ways I could get rid of it. Fasting is one answer, I suppose. Not drinking at all is another. Neither option is completely appealing¹ right now. More exercising with weights seems to lead to slight improvement.

So I got to thinking. Am I really so vain? Am I overly critical of my appearance? How do other women my age feel? Are these questions important enough to explore?? I think they are.

Growing old is a slow and surprising process. It happens at different rates for different people. But changes in your body and face after the age of 70—what you see when you look in the mirror—are hard to ignore. And, for some of us, the changes are a continual surprise as well as hard to get used to. “Wait, who is that?!”

I pose the question to readers: Does acknowledging old age make you feel like a failure?

So I decided to ask ten close friends, all women, all in their early 70s, a series of questions about appearance and body image. Maybe it would put things into perspective and maybe I’d learn something useful. The results are both reassuring and sobering. In addition, maybe there will be some things that resonate with you. Hope you’ll meet me in the comments to tell us your own thoughts on this subject.

A brief aside: In my head I’m not old yet. A commonly-accepted definition pegs young-old as 65 - 74, middle-old as 75 - 84, and old-old as starting at 85. To me, that’s about right. I am feeling young-old. And for the purposes of this article, I’m using 70+ as a marker of young-old age.

Let’s dive in². Here are some answers about appearance and body image from ten [b]old women, edited for brevity.

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At 70+, do you still care about your appearance?

“Are you kidding?” writes one of my oldest friends. “More than ever.” She goes on to say, “Let’s not forget that I am the daughter of a Vogue model so caring about appearance is built into my core.”

Writes another friend, “At 72, I care about my appearance more than I expected to. I was a hippie, never especially beholden to fashion or body norms in my youth.”

Every one of the ten women responded to this question with a “Yes.”

I’m a “yes” too.

Do you consider yourself vain?

Many replied “yes” to this question, including me. But there were qualifiers.

One friend responded, “No, I am not vain but I try to look well put together. Nothing fancy but the effort is to look neat and jaunty.”

Another said, “A bit. I just want to look the best I am able at my age and stay in good shape.”

And a third replied, “Not really, since the world doesn’t really look at women of my age!”

Do you wear make-up? If so, more or less than before?

Remember that the women I polled came of age in the late 60s and early 70s so we were all “no make-up” hippies to some degree. Some of the answers:

“I don’t wear make-up. Never have.”

“No. Lipstick if I’m making an effort.”

“Less, but I slather on more creams for my dry wrinkly skin! Argh!”

“I’ve had my eyelids tattooed.” Whoa. I learned something new. I didn’t know this was a thing!

My friend sent me a photo of her tattooed eyelid and explained: “It’s literally an injection of ink in between the eye lashes. The procedure was excruciating, but it alleviates ever having to wearing eyeliner.”

My own answer isn’t quite as dramatic as tattooed eyeliner: I’ve started using a light foundation to try and cover up the (age) spots, but that’s about it.

Do you color or highlight your hair?

For a lot of older women, to dye or not to dye is a big issue. The “going gray” thing doesn’t appeal to everyone, even though it became a popular trend during the pandemic. Here are some (honest) answers:

“Yes. I’m living my life as a blonde.” Full disclosure: so am I. So far.

“I do not color my hair. The gray (white) suits my looks fine.”

“I do a partial (highlighting) foil every three months so I am still quite blonde.”

“No. I got a white streak (cf Susan Sontag) first and decided to see where it went. It went all over and I get compliments all the time.”

“Some women look great in gray hair. I don’t think I would be one of them. So even though I hate the coloring process, I’m still doing it because I think it’s keeping me looking youngish, like my old self.”

Have you had any procedures (aka “work”) done on your face?

The answer was mostly "No…” 

“No. Face wrinkles seem inevitable.”

“No, I have not. And I definitely won’t.” This is my answer too.

“No way in hell!”

…with a notable exception from one friend:

“I guess I was ‘vain’ enough to make some changes. Within the last two years I’ve had two procedures: a neck lift to create a jawline where I had only sag left and a tummy tuck to eliminate the extra 20 pounds I was carrying around the middle.”

Do you worry about your weight, or the spare tire around your middle?

One answer expressed my thoughts exactly: “I have always worried about my weight. Gravity and menopause have really set in. I basically weigh the same but I would like to lose and keep off the proverbial 5 pounds.”

Other responses:

“I weigh myself three or four times a week and stay within a 5-pound range.”

“Not really concerned about weight but I am more comfortable on the slim side of normal.”

“My weight is where I want it. Lucky me, I know.”

“I have always had a weight issue. I weigh 50 pounds less than I did 20 years ago.”

As for the spare tire…³

I asked my friends if they had excess flab around their middle that doesn’t seem to go away, and whether it bothered them. The answers from all ten women were unanimous: “Yes” and “Yes.” This made me feel better.

On a more serious note about weight and body image

One longtime friend sent a longer answer on the topic of weight as it relates to body image. I think much of what she writes is true for more women than care to admit it. I know I carry around a “constant awareness” of shape and weight, even as a young-old woman in my early 70s. Like my friend, I wish I could get rid of those thoughts.

She wrote:

“I have always felt too large and was teased as a child. Everyday I thought about my shape. Everyday I thought about what I could/should eat. I was aware of my mother’s large size and also aware of her over-eating. She constantly talked about dieting but rarely did anything about it. Looking back, I was chubby as a child but never seriously overweight. So I was mostly deeply dissatisfied. In my 20s I wore loose dresses which is a shame because I have/had a good waist!

I found it hard to lose weight after childbirth. I tried Weight Watchers and did lose weight. And I still follow some of their advice. More recently, I have managed to keep extra weight off. But I am very aware of my weight issues and the impact on my kids. My main issue is how to accept body shape and have a reasonable eating plan that doesn’t impact others.

I hardly know anyone who doesn’t have issues around food. I am in the best place weight/body image ever but I would love to be completely free of that constant awareness.”

Finally, health is what matters

I posed the question: “Are you pretty Zen about all the changes in your body? Or do you rail against the ‘ravages’ of old age?" Some mind-shifting answers that helped me:

“I have no diseases or ailments or chronic problems. I’m happy with that!”

“I am Zen about body image and into preserving my health as long as possible.”

“Because of back issues, I have chronic pain and am unable to walk distances. It’s loss of physical energy that concerns me most. Accepting that is my biggest challenge.”

“At this point in my life, my concern about my health is greater than my concern about my appearance.”

My final takeaway

There are some things about old age that just are, whether it’s belly fat or wrinkles. I can’t deny them, I can’t get rid of them. Some days I loathe what I see in the mirror; other days I feel I can accept it. The change I need to make is a mind shift, not a change in my waistline. I’m working on it, but a psychological shift tends to be a slow process. What about you?

Here with you through the blessings and the bullshit,

Debbie

Comments or questions?

• Do you carry around a “constant awareness” of your body and shape?

• What’s your take on body image, weight and spare tires as you grow older?

1. I’ve been experimenting with going alcohol-free recently but that’s a topic for another time.

2. This is a re-publish of a post from July, 2023, with some light editing.

3. I did a bit of research on the spare tire that develops for middle-age and older women. It appears that it’s unavoidable, no matter how skinny or svelte you once were. One scientifically-accepted explanation is that when the level of estrogen drops in post-menopausal women, body fat redistributes from hips, thighs and backside to the midsection.