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Getting old in real time… three [b]old years, to be exact
What I’ve been writing about for the past 150 weeks or so (plus thank you to my readers)
Welcome to [B]old Age, where I’ve been writing about the bittersweetness of old age, from the blessings to the bullshit. Find my revealing Personal Essays and my popular Q&As with [B]old Women (for paid subscribers), and [b]old discussion posts open to all.
I want to look under the hood of aging—in real-time. I want to answer the question: what is it really like to grow old in a society that denigrates and devalues old people? - Debbie Weil
Recently, I went back to read the very first post I published on Substack in June of 2023. I was pleasantly surprised (astounded, actually) to see that all the things I promised I would do in my newsletter, I have in fact been writing about, week after week, for close to 150 weeks.
It surprised me because I’ve felt a good bit of doubt, at times, wondering if I had enough to say on the topic of getting old—enough that was worth reading, anyway. That doubt has time and time again been allayed by the many subscribers who have left dozens and dozens of thoughtful comments and contributed meaningfully to the conversation. Your interest in all things [b]old has been the fuel I needed to keep going; my heartfelt thanks.
My aim all along, and still today, as I turn 75, has been to reveal what’s “under the hood” of growing old (and I mean old, not “older”). Three years ago, I identified the big topics that define the journey into old age: health and wellness, retirement, reinvention, money, the new meaning of ambition, love, family and friendships, death and mortality, legacy.
I’ve been steadily addressing these topics in essays like:
I’ve also written about the difficult realities of growing old, including periods of depression and complicated grief:
When I launched this newsletter, I’d been publishing my [B]old Age podcast for four years, talking about reinventing purpose, slowing down, grandparenting, elderly parents, illness and debility, dementia, grief, and more, via interviews with authors and experts. I continued the podcast for one more year; then concluded it in 2024 when I realized I couldn’t do both a podcast and a newsletter.
Writing essays on Substack has enabled me to examine my own experience more deeply, something that began to seem very important after my mother died.
Whether you are a new reader, or have been along for the whole ride (for which I am very grateful), I hope you’ll enjoy this quick trip down memory lane. You’ll also learn why I started this newsletter, and what happened to my podcast.
Moving to Substack + getting old in real time
First post on Substack: notes on a [B]OLDER life at 71
Hello dear reader, old or new,
I’ve been publishing a newsletter for over 20 years but I’m a bit tongue-tied with this debut on Substack. First, a big hello to my longtime subscribers. Some of you have been with me since 2001 as readers of award-winning WordBiz Report, my e-newsletter about online marketing (which led to my book about blogging). A sincere thank you!
Will the [B]OLD AGE podcast continue?
Yes… and NO! Update: my [B]old Age podcast concluded in May 2024 (a year after this first post was published). Find 100+ episodes on Substack or on Apple podcasts.
Growing old in real time with a 71-year-old
But I’ve got a bigger goal for writing on Substack; I want to do more than write notes on [B]old Age podcast episodes—although this particular note, [B]old women are too busy, explains why I want to dive deep and talk about uncomfortable things.
I’m almost 72; I want to look under the hood of aging—in real-time. I want to answer the question: what is it really like to grow old in a society that denigrates and devalues old people? I want to write about complicated family relationships, to understand them better. I’d like to give you an inside glimpse of what it’s like to be married for 50 years.
Because I think we all want to know what aging is like… the good parts, the sad parts, the painful, the unexpected, the wonderful and more.
Old age is a foreign country. In your 30s, 40s, 50s, and even 60s it’s a land somewhere far away. Other people (code for old people) live there, but not you.
What’s it really like to grow old?
Many of us are fascinated by real-time updates written by those living with a terminal cancer diagnosis. Our unspoken question: “What would it be like?” So it goes with old age. It’s a foreign country. In your 30s, 40s, 50s, and even 60s it’s a land somewhere far away. Other people (code for old people) live there, but not you.
What if you could better understand old age before you got there?
Would you live your present life differently? Can old age be lived differently — defying all the ageist stereotypes that still define old people? Can we do it better? And I don’t necessarily mean longer. And the burning question: would you be less afraid of dying?
Life expectancy
My husband for 50 years, Sam Harrington, is a physician author. In his book, AT PEACE: Choosing a Good Death After a Long Life, he writes that, on average, if you reach the age of 65 in good health (I did), you have 19 years and six months left of life. Let’s round up to 20 years. Add that to 65 and you get to the ripe-sounding age of 85. Not to put too fine a point on it, but 85 is only 14 years from where I am now. I could live longer, of course, but these are the average numbers.
The big topics related to aging
So I’ve got a front row seat to aging. And I’m feeling a sense of urgency.
As Sam likes to remind me and everyone else: you could die at any time! My plan is to examine the big topics that define the journey into old age: health and wellness, retirement, reinvention, money, the new meaning of ambition, love, family and friendships, death and mortality, legacy—from a wider perspective but especially as an individual [b]old woman.
BTW, these are all topics I’ve explored on the [B]OLDER (since renamed [B]OLD AGE) podcast over the past four years. But never with an eye specifically focussed on how they affect me personally. I was a mere 67 when I started the podcast in 2019. Old age seemed very far away at that point. Now, it doesn’t.
Who is Debbie, anyway?
I’m a podcaster, writer, editor, storytelling director, former reporter, Web pioneer, nonprofit volunteer, wife, mother, and grandmother. More here. Not necessarily in that order. It’s complicated. Or maybe it isn’t. Let’s get started.
Published June 7, 2023
Questions for readers
🎂 🎉 How should I mark three years of publishing [B]old Age?? I do love cake (and especially thick, buttery icing).
🤓 🙏 What topic am I not covering that you’d like to hear more about?
🔥 🔥 Let’s celebrate!
Please become a paid subscriber for access to my most revealing Personal Essays, plus membership in the [B]old Women Book Club.
Our next guest is bestselling author and Substack superstar Emma Gannon.
I am a newbie here. Time is such a coyote. A trickster. Aging simply was not something I was thinking about, until it was. Turning seventy a year ago caught my attention. I look forward to reading what is on your heart. No doubt, it will be on mine too. Well done for your three years! 🙌🏼🎉
Love your posts. I’m 74. Let’s talk about how your clothing can make you look old, older or younger.