Debbie, Your post reminds me of an incident many years ago. In my first year as a full-time university faculty member, I was expressing to another junior colleague the strangeness of sudden elevation from a graduate student scraping by on a stipend, when she stopped me and told me my feelings had a name: imposter syndrome. "I feel it, too," said my fellow first-year faculty member with a PhD from Harvard and a competence that could slay dragons with a look.
Just that single moment of coaching did me so much good.
Thank you for telling the [b]old truth! We're all in this together, not for numbers or checkmarks but for the strong, encouraging relationships and the inspiring web of readers and writers they represent. For what your checkmark *represents*, congratulations, and much joy!
And looking forward to reading a bunch of the essays referenced in this one.
I used to be a bit down on myself about how necessary external validation felt: it seemed like a character flaw.
The need was especially palpable in work contexts: when I was teaching, for instance, students would say lovely things, but I needed occasional pats on the shoulder from colleagues too, and from the head of the department — just as simple as a “congratulations” on a new article, that kind of thing. Without those, I withered.
For many years, I just accepted the fact that I withered without the occasional shoulder pat as something wrong with me, a form of greediness or some such thing.
Now, with more age and experience, I realize that that was nonsense. To want to be seen — really seen, I mean, not “look, I’m famous” seen — feels like a sign of desire for connection between human beings. Part of being a social animal is wanting to make contributions, and an element of that is wanting to having one’s contributions be taken seriously.
So my approach to this kind of major landmark is, enjoy the hell out of it, so long as one has confidence that what one is putting out into the world aligns with one’s values, and as long as it remains an outcome and not a driver of what one does.
And also, to reinforce it for others. Sharing pats on shoulders whenever they’re appropriate feels like such a simple, but essential, gift we can offer each other, and that includes sharing in the pleasure of landmark moments
Linnesby-Maria, this is so important: "so long as one has confidence that what one is putting out into the world aligns with one’s values." Thank you for putting it this way. I am thinking carefully about this!
This is really fantastic: “So my approach to this kind of major landmark is, enjoy the hell out of it, so long as one has confidence that what one is putting out into the world aligns with one’s values, and as long as it remains an outcome and not a driver of what one does.”
I recently enjoyed a podcast episode between psychologist Rick Hansen and his son Forrest Hansen (another pair including a 70 yo and a 30-something) and Rick said something very similar. When we get genuine feedback of “yes, I find value in what you’ve produced,” it’s worth it to pause and take the time to absorb it. I try to do this with various mundane happy moments during the day that I can revisit when I’m falling asleep (or on a bumpy flight).
My personal stumbling block around success is immediately moving the goalpost, even on small achievements like crossing an item off my to-do list. I add more items! 😬 I need to practice basking.
A few years ago I got a favorable mention in the NYTimes about a piece I had in a recent anthology. was over the moon. One of my best friends at the time, a musician from a family of musicians, said, "Enjoy it today. Tomorrow everyone will have forgotten and it will be lining the bottom of a birdcage." It was harsh, but true, and a real lesson in do what I do because I must, and try not to rely on outside validation.
To that end, with Substack, I'm doing my best not to read (or at least not obsess over) the posts about how to double your subscribers while you sleep and so on...and just write what I need to write.
Huge recognition for your writing and the beautiful connections you’re cultivating here, Debbie. Congrats on that much-deserved checkmark!
But, sigh, I know the ambivalence you describe all too well. I consider my Substack newsletter my most meaningful (and fun, and most time-consuming) work; to receive payment from subscribers means far more than dollar signs. AND, I often worry that I’m not doing enough, or that I’m doing too much given the meager financial returns, or that it’s only a matter of time before I LOSE my checkmark, which carries fear of humiliation (even if no one cares about my checkmark but me).
Thanks for bringing your own exploration of all this into the light. Success, whatever that means, sure can be a funny, elusive thing. Cheering you on with it all!
Dana, I appreciate this so much. Yup, I also worry about losing the little orange checkmark! I've recently started reading Tina Hedin's extraordinary newsletter; she writes every two weeks so maybe "enough" isn't necessarily based on frequency, as long as posting is consistent. https://substack.com/profile/102530220-tina-hedin
Thanks, Debbie. I’ll check out Tina’s newsletter. For me, a common reason folks drop the paid option is "Time" (as checked on the exit survey; indicating that they can’t keep up). BUT, yesterday, I had someone unsubscribe from paid and say it was due to: "Low Volume." I mean...I post at least three times a month, often four...and only charge $30 a year, so...
I'm a small publication on break right now. The questions you raised are exactly what I'm asking myself... is it all worth it?
I'm not a journalist, a professional writer, and I don't have a degree. But writing is the way I communicate and share best. (I just finished a short stint as an interpretive guide for a museum and found out quickly I'm not a public speaker!)
But where is a publication supposed 'to go' and what is the purpose?
Congratulations on your checkmark and success!! (Get over the imposter syndrome, you are the real deal!!)
We all need validation, and it's not always money. Sometimes we just need to hear we're doing a great job and someone appreciates us. I appreciate you and your work.
Congratulations from a youngster of 71. My Substack journey is slowly progressing. Unfortunately Imposter Syndrome is still flourishing over here in the UK. I have plenty of draft articles for my newsletter but haven’t published them yet. I still haven’t overcome IS enough to start paid subscriptions. I’m still inching forward in very small steps when imposter syndrome isn’t looking. Well done you, an example to us all.
Graham, I took a look at your newsletter. Yes, keep going! You might want to check out Sarah Fay's "Substack Writers at Work." She offers a ton of info on how to get your Substack revved up. https://www.writersatwork.net/ (there's free stuff and you can also pay) Here's one of her recent posts: https://www.writersatwork.net/p/post-less-on-substack. (oops, it's "paid;" well, I leave it to you!)
Thank you Debbie, I will have a look. I have one mentor at the moment trying to avoid too many shiny objects as I know I won’t be diligent in following all the advice.
From someone who didn't even know checkmarks were a thing 😳 I'm reminding myself that I initially wrote for myself to help me disentangle my spaghetti thinking and now, four decades later....I actually still do that. But taking the time and risk (courage? stupidity?) to share openly with strangers on the internet...yeah, it's actually kind of nice to have that gratefulness via feedback, whether it is the time to leave a comment or in dollars via a paid subscription. It encourages me to write better and to honor my readers more. I might to dare hope for such a checkmark, congratulations to you!
wow honored to be mentioned here!! but i'll be honest all I do is for the checkmark if I lost it i'd wither and die, a fact I tell my wife and kids every morning.
jk - truly you rock this rocks. the checkmarks are status bullshit but boy are they powerful and nice and not really all that bad in the grand scheme of things. they are things we pursue to pass the time and avoid the hard stuff though of course eventually we end up at the hard places anyways because remember, wherever you go, there you fart
i am sorry debbie if you want me to delete this I will
Congratulations, Debbie Weil! And, yes, success is different at 70. It's less to do with maximizing income and more to do with maximizing impact. And highlighting the creativity and visibility of older women. Party on!
lol I suspect, after a lifetime of unpaid caring duties and ill-health, I will still be needing to work to maximise my income… (just to get by, I mean).
But yes, impact and creativity and visibility of older women is so vital! Why, in 2024, are we still even having to fight for that?!
ooo Stella, "maximizing impact" (as opposed to income)... such great food for thought. Now I am thinking about how to convey that more clearly to my community of [B]old Women. See here: https://debbieweil.substack.com/s/bold-women thank you!
YES! A super important shift. Yet strangely, it also feels important to let go of the 'hook' of needing to know how we impact others. Can we trust that our random gifts of kind-heartedness (through our writing, or simply our presence) DO reach others?
Hi Debbie. I read you every week, don't comment often but feel moved to do so today just to add my encouragement to you to keep doin' it. I love how you live so honestly right there on the tip of your pen, letting the truth flow. I'm so happy for you about this recognition!
Thank you for sharing your feelings about work and success. I’ve also suffered from doubts and imposter syndrome. Now that I’m older I’ve started to recognize that imposter syndrome is bullshit placed upon women to keep us in our place. It isn’t something that comes from within but without. Once you see how this plays out every day you can’t unsee it.
Congratulations! This is such a great achievement. I am 72 next week and hearing of your success is positive encouragement for me as I dip my toes into this community.
First, my congratulations, Debbie. But second, I am the complete opposite of you. I am miles away from getting that checkmark and have no expectation that I will ever reach it – and yet I don't suffer from Imposter Syndrome. I understand it and might even have suffered from it in my younger days, but I now think that if 'success' (however defined) were ever to come my way, well, I am no worse that lots of other people and why not? My general view is that life is so full of serendipity and chance that sometimes the best people win and sometimes they don't, but the beginning of wisdom is not to care. Do what gives you pleasure and don't do what doesn't. Full stop.
PS. I saw you gave me a shout out recently for having inspired you, but I wasn't clear why. Thanks for doing sp.
Ann, you said I should write more about my own experience of growing old / [b]old — not just do Q&A’s with other women! I took that to heart for this week’s “bestseller” post. 🤓
Congratulations. No mean feat on a platform such as Substack. We all have limited time so are very choosy about those we ‘properly’ subscribe to (with cash). You’ve done well. My best advice? Cool article but hopefully you can just accept it and move on. But then life’s never quite that simple is it?! Sending heaps of hugs and best wishes. 🤗🤗💕
Congratulations, Debbie! I hope more people get to hear about the great work you do.
I've lost both my parents in the last 4 years. So I understand a little of what you say about your grief. I hope you can resolve some of those complicated feelings.
I am so, so torn about the paid subscriber thing. I congratulate you on your milestone!
I think there is value in some of what I write, and I think it is important that I make it accessible—in all meanings of that word. I don't want to put anything behind a paywall that might help somebody.
I don't want to chase readers with the kind of aggressive marketing that some “experts” are willing to teach you for a fee. At that point, the writing and the marketing are so enmeshed that it feels extremely inauthentic.
But—I still want paid subscribers because that feels like tangible validation.
![[B]OLD AGE with Debbie Weil](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/e_trim:10:white/e_trim:10:transparent/h_72,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb939748d-5d80-4d0f-867c-2ed252ac633c_1344x256.png)
Debbie, Your post reminds me of an incident many years ago. In my first year as a full-time university faculty member, I was expressing to another junior colleague the strangeness of sudden elevation from a graduate student scraping by on a stipend, when she stopped me and told me my feelings had a name: imposter syndrome. "I feel it, too," said my fellow first-year faculty member with a PhD from Harvard and a competence that could slay dragons with a look.
Just that single moment of coaching did me so much good.
Thank you for telling the [b]old truth! We're all in this together, not for numbers or checkmarks but for the strong, encouraging relationships and the inspiring web of readers and writers they represent. For what your checkmark *represents*, congratulations, and much joy!
Tara, thank you so much. The "encouraging relationships and inspiring web of readers and writers" absolutely keep me going.
Congratulations!
And looking forward to reading a bunch of the essays referenced in this one.
I used to be a bit down on myself about how necessary external validation felt: it seemed like a character flaw.
The need was especially palpable in work contexts: when I was teaching, for instance, students would say lovely things, but I needed occasional pats on the shoulder from colleagues too, and from the head of the department — just as simple as a “congratulations” on a new article, that kind of thing. Without those, I withered.
For many years, I just accepted the fact that I withered without the occasional shoulder pat as something wrong with me, a form of greediness or some such thing.
Now, with more age and experience, I realize that that was nonsense. To want to be seen — really seen, I mean, not “look, I’m famous” seen — feels like a sign of desire for connection between human beings. Part of being a social animal is wanting to make contributions, and an element of that is wanting to having one’s contributions be taken seriously.
So my approach to this kind of major landmark is, enjoy the hell out of it, so long as one has confidence that what one is putting out into the world aligns with one’s values, and as long as it remains an outcome and not a driver of what one does.
And also, to reinforce it for others. Sharing pats on shoulders whenever they’re appropriate feels like such a simple, but essential, gift we can offer each other, and that includes sharing in the pleasure of landmark moments
Linnesby-Maria, this is so important: "so long as one has confidence that what one is putting out into the world aligns with one’s values." Thank you for putting it this way. I am thinking carefully about this!
This is really fantastic: “So my approach to this kind of major landmark is, enjoy the hell out of it, so long as one has confidence that what one is putting out into the world aligns with one’s values, and as long as it remains an outcome and not a driver of what one does.”
I recently enjoyed a podcast episode between psychologist Rick Hansen and his son Forrest Hansen (another pair including a 70 yo and a 30-something) and Rick said something very similar. When we get genuine feedback of “yes, I find value in what you’ve produced,” it’s worth it to pause and take the time to absorb it. I try to do this with various mundane happy moments during the day that I can revisit when I’m falling asleep (or on a bumpy flight).
https://open.spotify.com/episode/24he1ZsaC6a9wm5LbWKDPP?si=P73EKDRtSIGUP-t2muUCQA
My personal stumbling block around success is immediately moving the goalpost, even on small achievements like crossing an item off my to-do list. I add more items! 😬 I need to practice basking.
I need to practice this too! And I love Rick and Forrest - they are great!
Kelly, yes! "taking the time to absorb;" I'm always working on this.
Thank you for writing this! This is so important. As social animals we NEED connection and a feeling that we are contributing something of worth.
Offering encouragement can be such a small thing, but so valuable.
A few years ago I got a favorable mention in the NYTimes about a piece I had in a recent anthology. was over the moon. One of my best friends at the time, a musician from a family of musicians, said, "Enjoy it today. Tomorrow everyone will have forgotten and it will be lining the bottom of a birdcage." It was harsh, but true, and a real lesson in do what I do because I must, and try not to rely on outside validation.
To that end, with Substack, I'm doing my best not to read (or at least not obsess over) the posts about how to double your subscribers while you sleep and so on...and just write what I need to write.
ooo I want to learn how to do that! jk jk 🤓
Huge recognition for your writing and the beautiful connections you’re cultivating here, Debbie. Congrats on that much-deserved checkmark!
But, sigh, I know the ambivalence you describe all too well. I consider my Substack newsletter my most meaningful (and fun, and most time-consuming) work; to receive payment from subscribers means far more than dollar signs. AND, I often worry that I’m not doing enough, or that I’m doing too much given the meager financial returns, or that it’s only a matter of time before I LOSE my checkmark, which carries fear of humiliation (even if no one cares about my checkmark but me).
Thanks for bringing your own exploration of all this into the light. Success, whatever that means, sure can be a funny, elusive thing. Cheering you on with it all!
Dana, I appreciate this so much. Yup, I also worry about losing the little orange checkmark! I've recently started reading Tina Hedin's extraordinary newsletter; she writes every two weeks so maybe "enough" isn't necessarily based on frequency, as long as posting is consistent. https://substack.com/profile/102530220-tina-hedin
Thanks, Debbie. I’ll check out Tina’s newsletter. For me, a common reason folks drop the paid option is "Time" (as checked on the exit survey; indicating that they can’t keep up). BUT, yesterday, I had someone unsubscribe from paid and say it was due to: "Low Volume." I mean...I post at least three times a month, often four...and only charge $30 a year, so...
I'm a small publication on break right now. The questions you raised are exactly what I'm asking myself... is it all worth it?
I'm not a journalist, a professional writer, and I don't have a degree. But writing is the way I communicate and share best. (I just finished a short stint as an interpretive guide for a museum and found out quickly I'm not a public speaker!)
But where is a publication supposed 'to go' and what is the purpose?
Congratulations on your checkmark and success!! (Get over the imposter syndrome, you are the real deal!!)
Patti, hearing you say "you are the real deal" is pretty sweet. Seems ridiculous that I need to hear that, but there you go... thank you.
We all need validation, and it's not always money. Sometimes we just need to hear we're doing a great job and someone appreciates us. I appreciate you and your work.
Congratulations from a youngster of 71. My Substack journey is slowly progressing. Unfortunately Imposter Syndrome is still flourishing over here in the UK. I have plenty of draft articles for my newsletter but haven’t published them yet. I still haven’t overcome IS enough to start paid subscriptions. I’m still inching forward in very small steps when imposter syndrome isn’t looking. Well done you, an example to us all.
Graham, I took a look at your newsletter. Yes, keep going! You might want to check out Sarah Fay's "Substack Writers at Work." She offers a ton of info on how to get your Substack revved up. https://www.writersatwork.net/ (there's free stuff and you can also pay) Here's one of her recent posts: https://www.writersatwork.net/p/post-less-on-substack. (oops, it's "paid;" well, I leave it to you!)
Thank you Debbie, I will have a look. I have one mentor at the moment trying to avoid too many shiny objects as I know I won’t be diligent in following all the advice.
From someone who didn't even know checkmarks were a thing 😳 I'm reminding myself that I initially wrote for myself to help me disentangle my spaghetti thinking and now, four decades later....I actually still do that. But taking the time and risk (courage? stupidity?) to share openly with strangers on the internet...yeah, it's actually kind of nice to have that gratefulness via feedback, whether it is the time to leave a comment or in dollars via a paid subscription. It encourages me to write better and to honor my readers more. I might to dare hope for such a checkmark, congratulations to you!
Keri, love your phrase to "disentangle my spaghetti thinking;" it's absolutely one of my biggest "why's" for writing.
wow honored to be mentioned here!! but i'll be honest all I do is for the checkmark if I lost it i'd wither and die, a fact I tell my wife and kids every morning.
jk - truly you rock this rocks. the checkmarks are status bullshit but boy are they powerful and nice and not really all that bad in the grand scheme of things. they are things we pursue to pass the time and avoid the hard stuff though of course eventually we end up at the hard places anyways because remember, wherever you go, there you fart
i am sorry debbie if you want me to delete this I will
r u kidding?! this is Olympic gold…
Congratulations, Debbie Weil! And, yes, success is different at 70. It's less to do with maximizing income and more to do with maximizing impact. And highlighting the creativity and visibility of older women. Party on!
lol I suspect, after a lifetime of unpaid caring duties and ill-health, I will still be needing to work to maximise my income… (just to get by, I mean).
But yes, impact and creativity and visibility of older women is so vital! Why, in 2024, are we still even having to fight for that?!
ooo Stella, "maximizing impact" (as opposed to income)... such great food for thought. Now I am thinking about how to convey that more clearly to my community of [B]old Women. See here: https://debbieweil.substack.com/s/bold-women thank you!
YES! A super important shift. Yet strangely, it also feels important to let go of the 'hook' of needing to know how we impact others. Can we trust that our random gifts of kind-heartedness (through our writing, or simply our presence) DO reach others?
Hi Debbie. I read you every week, don't comment often but feel moved to do so today just to add my encouragement to you to keep doin' it. I love how you live so honestly right there on the tip of your pen, letting the truth flow. I'm so happy for you about this recognition!
My best to you and Sam.
Fred, your comment means so much! I am stealing this: "how you live so honestly right there on the tip of your pen."
Thank you for sharing your feelings about work and success. I’ve also suffered from doubts and imposter syndrome. Now that I’m older I’ve started to recognize that imposter syndrome is bullshit placed upon women to keep us in our place. It isn’t something that comes from within but without. Once you see how this plays out every day you can’t unsee it.
Congratulations! This is such a great achievement. I am 72 next week and hearing of your success is positive encouragement for me as I dip my toes into this community.
First, my congratulations, Debbie. But second, I am the complete opposite of you. I am miles away from getting that checkmark and have no expectation that I will ever reach it – and yet I don't suffer from Imposter Syndrome. I understand it and might even have suffered from it in my younger days, but I now think that if 'success' (however defined) were ever to come my way, well, I am no worse that lots of other people and why not? My general view is that life is so full of serendipity and chance that sometimes the best people win and sometimes they don't, but the beginning of wisdom is not to care. Do what gives you pleasure and don't do what doesn't. Full stop.
PS. I saw you gave me a shout out recently for having inspired you, but I wasn't clear why. Thanks for doing sp.
Ann, you said I should write more about my own experience of growing old / [b]old — not just do Q&A’s with other women! I took that to heart for this week’s “bestseller” post. 🤓
So you did. Excellent. And it brought a lot of comments.
Congratulations. No mean feat on a platform such as Substack. We all have limited time so are very choosy about those we ‘properly’ subscribe to (with cash). You’ve done well. My best advice? Cool article but hopefully you can just accept it and move on. But then life’s never quite that simple is it?! Sending heaps of hugs and best wishes. 🤗🤗💕
Beth, thank you and I AM enjoying it!
Congratulations, Debbie! I hope more people get to hear about the great work you do.
I've lost both my parents in the last 4 years. So I understand a little of what you say about your grief. I hope you can resolve some of those complicated feelings.
thank you Jeffrey! maybe the ongoing story is how I (or anyone) deals with unresolved stuff, not just complicated grief
I am so, so torn about the paid subscriber thing. I congratulate you on your milestone!
I think there is value in some of what I write, and I think it is important that I make it accessible—in all meanings of that word. I don't want to put anything behind a paywall that might help somebody.
I don't want to chase readers with the kind of aggressive marketing that some “experts” are willing to teach you for a fee. At that point, the writing and the marketing are so enmeshed that it feels extremely inauthentic.
But—I still want paid subscribers because that feels like tangible validation.
Teri, full disclosure: I haven’t marketed aggressively, but I have *asked.*