Hello again, [B]old Women! Last time I asked if you were wearing a Red Hat, or giving yourself permission to shun convention (at least sartorially) as you age. Today I want to ask about how you give yourself a different kind of permission.
I am struggling to allow myself to pause and take a break from deadlines and from writing weekly—just for a short while! I need a little time off to regenerate and to refill with fresh ideas and words. I know I need this, I can feel it. But I am struggling to fully allow myself this time away without the “shoulds” and worries and nagging sense that I should continue working.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?? How do you give yourself permission to pause? Do you have a mantra or reminder? What does regeneration look and feel like for you?
I'm having a pause myself at the moment. It's a bit like a meander. Reading a lot. Poems and prose. Particularly Under The Hornbeams. Thinking about writing a memoir - I am 71 and in a relationship with my partner, 80, who lives 5 hours drive away from me in North Wales. I'm in London. Having a break from flamboyance too... although that doesn't stop me wearing flowers in my hair just other dressing up activities. Regeneration feels like time growing seeds literally and metaphorically...
My pause button is spiritual. I celebrate Shabbat. Truly taking a day off once a week and reconnecting with the divine, loved ones, giving myself permission to just be is truly rejuvenating. Plus I’m fulfilling a commandment. 🥰🙏
A drawing instructor gave great advice, "Everything is not precious, every mark isn't worthy of saving. Throw out the stuff you don't like!" On the practical side, it's great! I save fewer things than I did before that class, and I also know I don't have to explain or defend those choices. On a spiritual side, my faith in Jesus is the greatest stabilizer. Life in Him is so freeing!
I’m semiretired from nursing at 56. Part of the reason for this is a connective tissue disorder that was going to dominate me, if I didn’t pause. I’m a huge believer in listening to your body. If it says “Not today.”, I listen. Sometimes, my pause is being active without an agenda i.e. going out in nature. It’s great to move the body and clear the mind.
Here you go, Debbie. Gifted Professionals & Communicators have high standards and high struggles with this. There is something similarly internal, guttural and controlling about business ownership that makes us think that no one in the free world could possibly do our jobs if we were to die suddenly or heaven forbid, even go on vacation. How to step back from your business without it totally crashing--https://theamericangenius.com/entrepreneur/how-to-step-away-without-your-entire-business-crashing/
I am certainly like a lot of others in having been brought up with a strong work ethic as well as a concern to help everyone around me. In addition, I have always been quick to blame myself for things that go wrong. BUT I do think that, with age (as you know I am 82), I have learned to be more patient with myself and to accept the good days and bad days as being part of life. Yes, there are times when you need to withdraw from the usual activities. Enjoy your time off and don't worry about it. You'll be back soon enough.
Oh yes, Debbie, I am with you! I paused in my writing the last couple of weeks and am refreshed and ready to go this week. I also completely paused everything yesterday and cancelled all my appointments because I felt like I needed a total break. It's a struggle, because I too hear the shoulds, but I try to remember that it always works out better if I listen to my inner self.
This is something I honestly no longer struggle with - I recognize how much I crave and need solitude and now that I'm retired, make certain it happens every day. The rewards are immense. If I don't have this 'time to myself' I really notice the impact.
Truly, I understand this SO much! I call it spending time on the 'Existential Highway' lol. I am no stranger to dread, either. For me, it is helpful to have a bit of a routine - I even create a loose outline every day - so that there is not too much time allotted to [potential] random anxiety. I don't do *anything* ALL day for example. There has to be time for tea/coffee outside, reading something meaningful and maybe buying myself a wee treat. Very simple but again, for me usually effective. (I've only been retired a few years btw). I hope you can find the balance you seek Debbie xo
This! Pausing is so important. Fallow times are not to be feared! I try to take cues from nature around me, and everywhere I see that rest is a natural part of cycles. We are animals, not machines. We need variation and time to restore ourselves. ♥️
I’m a work in progress. After retiring due to an ovarian cancer dx and finishing treatment I’m just now starting to enjoy hobbies like puzzles or needlework and reading. I still get the urge to “do something”. Like chores or look productive. It’s hard
This is such a good question. I see more and more how I’ve been socialized never to relax until all the other people are taken care of. Trying to shed that!
![[B]OLD AGE with Debbie Weil](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/e_trim:10:white/e_trim:10:transparent/h_72,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb939748d-5d80-4d0f-867c-2ed252ac633c_1344x256.png)
I'm having a pause myself at the moment. It's a bit like a meander. Reading a lot. Poems and prose. Particularly Under The Hornbeams. Thinking about writing a memoir - I am 71 and in a relationship with my partner, 80, who lives 5 hours drive away from me in North Wales. I'm in London. Having a break from flamboyance too... although that doesn't stop me wearing flowers in my hair just other dressing up activities. Regeneration feels like time growing seeds literally and metaphorically...
"a bit like a meander" - perfect!
My pause button is spiritual. I celebrate Shabbat. Truly taking a day off once a week and reconnecting with the divine, loved ones, giving myself permission to just be is truly rejuvenating. Plus I’m fulfilling a commandment. 🥰🙏
the perfect illustration of "having it both ways" - thank you C.K.!
A drawing instructor gave great advice, "Everything is not precious, every mark isn't worthy of saving. Throw out the stuff you don't like!" On the practical side, it's great! I save fewer things than I did before that class, and I also know I don't have to explain or defend those choices. On a spiritual side, my faith in Jesus is the greatest stabilizer. Life in Him is so freeing!
Yes! This: "I also know I don't have to explain or defend those choices"
I’m semiretired from nursing at 56. Part of the reason for this is a connective tissue disorder that was going to dominate me, if I didn’t pause. I’m a huge believer in listening to your body. If it says “Not today.”, I listen. Sometimes, my pause is being active without an agenda i.e. going out in nature. It’s great to move the body and clear the mind.
filing away this phrase... "active without an agenda" - perfect
Here you go, Debbie. Gifted Professionals & Communicators have high standards and high struggles with this. There is something similarly internal, guttural and controlling about business ownership that makes us think that no one in the free world could possibly do our jobs if we were to die suddenly or heaven forbid, even go on vacation. How to step back from your business without it totally crashing--https://theamericangenius.com/entrepreneur/how-to-step-away-without-your-entire-business-crashing/
Ha! And Substack isn’t even a “job”!
I am certainly like a lot of others in having been brought up with a strong work ethic as well as a concern to help everyone around me. In addition, I have always been quick to blame myself for things that go wrong. BUT I do think that, with age (as you know I am 82), I have learned to be more patient with myself and to accept the good days and bad days as being part of life. Yes, there are times when you need to withdraw from the usual activities. Enjoy your time off and don't worry about it. You'll be back soon enough.
oh definitely, I’ll be back in form soon. thank you Ann.
Thank you!!
Filling an empty space on my calandar for that time.. and keeping it empty! Just for me!
Getting away sometimes helps to slow it down and refresh. Even if its just a couple of hours south or north or just for the weekend.
I give myself every day a few hours, early in the morning for readings, meditation and two cups of coffee.
Starting my day running was the worst for me.
I agree with setting aside the time deliberately. Then it doesn't feel we "should" be doing something else; we're doing exactly what's on the agenda!
And I agree with travel. When I'm on the road, I don't even log into email. I turn on my phone once a day, check messages, and turn it off again.
ooo love this! meditating and reading vs. running, first thing. I'll have to work on turning my phone off...
Oh yes, Debbie, I am with you! I paused in my writing the last couple of weeks and am refreshed and ready to go this week. I also completely paused everything yesterday and cancelled all my appointments because I felt like I needed a total break. It's a struggle, because I too hear the shoulds, but I try to remember that it always works out better if I listen to my inner self.
Listening, really listening, is the key, isn’t it?!
It is, and it's much harder to listen to ourselves than it is to listen to everyone else!
This is something I honestly no longer struggle with - I recognize how much I crave and need solitude and now that I'm retired, make certain it happens every day. The rewards are immense. If I don't have this 'time to myself' I really notice the impact.
it’s the “now that I’m retired” part I struggle with. more time to write can, for me, mean more time to worry!
Truly, I understand this SO much! I call it spending time on the 'Existential Highway' lol. I am no stranger to dread, either. For me, it is helpful to have a bit of a routine - I even create a loose outline every day - so that there is not too much time allotted to [potential] random anxiety. I don't do *anything* ALL day for example. There has to be time for tea/coffee outside, reading something meaningful and maybe buying myself a wee treat. Very simple but again, for me usually effective. (I've only been retired a few years btw). I hope you can find the balance you seek Debbie xo
This! Pausing is so important. Fallow times are not to be feared! I try to take cues from nature around me, and everywhere I see that rest is a natural part of cycles. We are animals, not machines. We need variation and time to restore ourselves. ♥️
love this image of “fallow cycles”
I’m a work in progress. After retiring due to an ovarian cancer dx and finishing treatment I’m just now starting to enjoy hobbies like puzzles or needlework and reading. I still get the urge to “do something”. Like chores or look productive. It’s hard
This is such a good question. I see more and more how I’ve been socialized never to relax until all the other people are taken care of. Trying to shed that!
YES - because otherwise that "relaxing" time is never coming ...