Mirror, Mirror at Age 71

What do women in their 70s think about their appearance? Their weight? Their thickening middles? Their answers (and mine) may surprise you.

When does old age start?

Old age is a foreign country you may not have planned on visiting anytime soon. I doubt it’s a country on your bucket list. But I’ve arrived. It’s sure taken me by surprise and I’m only 71. Let’s start with body image and what you see when you look in the mirror.

Wait, let’s start with “only 71.”

In my head I’m not old yet. An oft-quoted study defines young-old as 65 - 74; middle-old as 75 - 84 and old-old as starting at 85. Source: Wikipedia

That’s about right. In my head and in my body I am feeling young-old. I’ve definitely noticed a change in the past year. I’m creaky and stiff first thing in the morning when I (slowly) lower myself to the floor to do stretching exercises. When I’m down on the floor, it requires a bit of an effort to get back up.

I was about to write, “I’m embarrassed to admit this.” Then I remembered that mobility issues are one of the features of getting old. I didn’t think they applied to me — oops, they do. Noticing that you’re getting old creeps up on you.

So for the purposes of this article, I’m using 70+ as a marker of young-old age.

iStockPhoto: Ha! Balancing on one foot is not that easy when you’re young-old.

When you look in the mirror…

What do you see? The first thing I notice after a shower is the spare tire around my middle. It has expanded since I turned 70. It really bothers me and I keep thinking of ways I could get rid of it. Fasting is one answer, I suppose. Not drinking at all is another. Neither option is appealing right now. (More exercising with weights seems to lead to slight improvement.)

So I got to thinking. Am I vain? Overly critical of my appearance? Are these questions important enough to explore?? I think they are.

Growing old is a slow and surprising process. It happens at different rates for different people. But changes in your body and face after the age of 70 — what you see when you look in the mirror — are hard to ignore. And, for some of us, hard to get used to.

I decided to ask ten close friends, all women, all in their early 70s, a series of questions about appearance and body image. Maybe it would put things into perspective and maybe I’d learn something useful. The results are both reassuring and sobering. Here are some of their answers, edited for brevity.

At 70+, do you still care about your appearance?

“Are you kidding?” writes one of my oldest friends. “More than ever.” She goes on to say, “Let’s not forget that I am the daughter of a Vogue model so caring about appearance is built into my core.”

Writes another friend, “At 72, I care about my appearance more than I expected to. I was a hippie, never especially beholden to fashion or body norms in my youth.”

Every one of the ten women responded to this question with a “Yes.”

As I’ve revealed, I’m a “yes” too.

Do you consider yourself vain?

Many replied “yes” to this question, including me. But there were qualifiers.

One friend responded, “No, I am not vain but I try to look well put together. Nothing fancy but the effort is to look neat and jaunty.”

Another said, “A bit. I just want to look the best I am able at my age and stay in good shape.”

And a third replied, “Not really, since the world doesn’t really look at women of my age!”

Do you wear make-up? If so, more or less than before?

Remember that all the women I polled were “no make-up” hippies to some degree; we came of age in the late 60s and early 70s. Some of the answers:

“I don’t wear make-up. Never have.”

“No. Lipstick if I’m making an effort.”

“Less, but I slather on more creams for my dry wrinkly skin! Argh!”

“A bit more than I used to. I’ve started using a light foundation to try and cover up the spots.” Full disclosure: this is my answer.

“I’ve had my eyelids tatooed.” Whoa. I learned something new. I didn’t know this was a thing!

One friend sent me a photo of her tatooed eye lid. She writes: “It’s literally an injection of ink in between the eye lashes. It alleviates ever having to wearing eyeliner.”

Do you color or highlight your hair?

For a lot of older women, to dye or not is a big issue. The “going gray” thing doesn’t appeal to everyone, even though it became a popular trend during the pandemic. Here are some (honest) answers:

“Yes. I’m living my life as a blonde.” Full disclosure: so am I. So far.

“I do not color my hair. The gray (white) suits my looks fine.”

“I do a partial (highlighting) foil every three months so I am still quite blonde.”

“No. I got a white streak (cf Susan Sontag) first and decided to see where it went. It went all over and I get compliments all the time.”

“Some women look great in gray hair. I don’t think I would be one of them. So even though I hate the coloring process, I’m still doing it because I think it’s keeping me looking youngish, like my old self.”

Have you had any procedures (aka “work”) done on your face?

The answer was mostly"No” with several notable exceptions.

“No. Face wrinkles seem inevitable.”

“No, I have not. And I definitely won’t.” This is my answer too.

“No way in hell!

“I guess I was ‘vain’ enough to make some changes. Within the last two years I’ve had two procedures: a neck lift to create a jawline where I had only sag left and a tummy tuck to eliminate the extra 20 pounds I was carrying around the middle.”

And an explanation about eyelids: “Yes. I’ve had my eye lids tatooed. Love the results but the procedure was excruciating… It is literally an injection of ink in between the eye lashes. I did upper and lower lids. It alleviates ever having to wear eyeliner. I have prioritized my eyes for looking young and think this is the most natural look. Funny how we rationalize what we do to our bodies.”

Do you worry about your weight?

See below for “On a more serious note… “

I did not write this answer but it expresses my thoughts exactly: “I have always worried about my weight. Gravity and menopause have really set in. I basically weigh the same but I would like to lose and keep off the proverbial 5 pounds.”

Other responses:

“I weigh myself three or four times a week and stay within a 5-pound range.”

“I weigh more than 20 years ago. Probably the same as 5 years ago.”

“Not really concerned about weight but I am more comfortable on the slim side of normal.”

“My weight is where I want it. Lucky me, I know.”

“I have always had a weight issue. I weigh 50 pounds less than I did 20 years ago.”

The spare tire around the middle

My question was twofold: “Do you have a spare tire around your middle that doesn’t seem to go away? Does it bother you?” The answers from 10 women (including me) were unanimous: “Yes” and “Yes.” Interestingly, one friend responded, “Belly fat does not bother me. Wrinkles do.”

So I did a bit of research. The spare tire on middle-age and older women seems to be unavoidable, no matter how skinny or svelte you once were. One scientifically accepted explanation is that when the level of estrogen drops in post-menopausal women, body fat redistributes from hips, thighs and backside to the midsection. Okay, I can accept that.

Beware of going down the Google hole on this one. One tidbit (I have not been able to verify this) is that belly fat is in fact visceral fat around internal organs which is VERY BAD and increases the risk of stroke, heart disease, and diabetes. I suspect it’s more complicated than this and there are more factors to consider. (My physician husband confirms this.)

It’s generally accepted that there are no solutions for eliminating a spare tire other than modest diminution via a low-carb, high-protein and vegetable-heavy diet along with exercise that emphasizes weights.

Maybe it’s a question of changing our mindset, rather than our waistline.

“Radical acceptance isn’t a bad idea.” — Katie Couric

As Katie Couric puts it: “I think radical acceptance isn’t a bad idea. I don’t know about you, but I’m grateful to have reached an age that’s allowed me to accumulate a little extra baggage around my waistline… I’m going to invest in a few more oversized blouses and sweaters and continue to enjoy my life!” - Katie Couric Media, Jan. 2023

I agree with Katie. But I hate not wearing favorite close-fitting T-shirts. I could wear them, of course, but the midsection bulge is too obvious.

On a more serious note about weight and body image

One longtime friend sent a longer answer on the topic of weight as it relates to body image. I think much of what she writes is true for more women than care to admit it. I am realizing that “constant awareness” of shape and weight is something I carry with me, even as a young-old woman in my early 70s.

What does this mean? I am not entirely sure. Perhaps it had something to do with wanting (subconsciously) to emulate my always fashionable and svelte mother. And then realizing when she died suddenly in February 2023 that maybe a few extra pounds were not that important.

Or maybe I was influenced by the media, bestselling diet books, and fashion icons like Twiggy. Remember her?? She was a starved-looking teenaged model during London’s swinging 60s.

Here’s an approved excerpt of my friend’s writing:

“I have always felt too large and was teased as a child. Everyday I thought about my shape. Everyday I thought about what I could/should eat. I was aware of my mother’s large size and also aware of her over-eating. She constantly talked about dieting but rarely did anything about it. Looking back, I was chubby as a child but never seriously overweight. So I was mostly deeply dissatisfied. When I bought clothes I looked for styles that suited or hid my shape. In my 20s I wore loose dresses which is a shame because I have/had a good waist!

I found it hard to lose weight after childbirth. I tried Weight Watchers and did lose weight. And I still follow some of their advice. More recently, I have managed to keep extra weight off. But I am very aware of my weight issues and the impact on my kids. My main issue is how to accept body shape and have a reasonable eating plan that doesn’t impact others.

I hardly know anyone who doesn’t have issues around food. I am in the best place weight/body image ever but I would love to be completely free of that constant awareness.”

Finally, health is what matters

I posed the question: “Are you pretty Zen about all the changes in your body? Or do you rail agains the ‘ravages’ of old age?" Some mind-shifting answers that helped me:

“I have no diseases or ailments or chronic problems. I’m happy with that!”

“I am Zen about body image and into preserving my health as long as possible.”

“At this point in my life, my concern about my health is greater than my concern about my appearance.”

“Because of back issues, I have chronic pain and am unable to walk distances. It’s loss of physical energy that concerns me most. Accepting that is my biggest challenge.”

Comments or questions?

Whether you are a woman, a man, or other, what’s your take on body image, weight, and spare tires as you grow older?

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Selected further reading

• Sari Botton’s Oldster magazine

• Elderhood: Redefining Aging, Transforming Medicine, Reimagining Life by Louise Aronson (a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize)

• Paula Span’s articles for The New York Times