💬 [B]old Women: Are you ever a sobbing heap at the holidays?

When my kids were still young and living at home, I was sometimes a sobbing heap by Christmas morning. It was my own doing, of course. My expectations for myself were so high, and every year I failed to meet them.

My mother had always created beautiful Christmases. When I was a child, her holiday rituals included baking, icing, and decorating DOZENS of cookies, in the perfect shape of Santa, the reindeer, a Christmas tree, etc., to leave on the doorstep of the families in the neighborhood where I grew up. In the weeks before Christmas, under my mother’s watchful eye, I painstakingly decorated Santa or Rudolph, placing a tiny silver ball just so, for a shiny eye. Looking back, I know I relished her attention and direction.

For my oldest child’s first Christmas, some primal instinct made me want to emulate her (even though by then my mother and I weren’t as close as I wished). I attempted the cookie baking and decorating, while juggling my seven-month-old in one arm, in order to carry on the tradition and impress our new neighbors in Atlanta, GA; I was so exhausted by the effort I can’t remember how many cookies I created and delivered (surely, not enough).

In more recent years, my younger sister carries on the cookie baking tradition. She’s wisely turned it into an annual social event that is eagerly anticipated. She invites several dozen close friends over to do all the decorating—no one’s cookies are perfect and that makes it more fun.

Photo by Cyrus Crossan on Unsplash

Nowadays I find myself much more relaxed when it comes to the holidays. Even with six grandchildren, I don’t feel the same pressure to produce lavish gifts or bake scads of cookies or decorate the house from tip to (mistle)toe for the holidays. In fact, I welcome the opportunity to do something different (see beach photo below). Come Christmas morning, I’m well-rested and generally calm. Still, I can’t help but notice that familiar beat of anxiety that creeps in just after Thanksgiving and lasts until January 1st. I’ve come a long way in relieving myself of the holiday pressures to be the perfect wife/mother/grandmother, but somehow a bit of the stress still lingers.

We celebrated Thanksgiving with our younger daughter. Despite being a busy pediatric surgeon in Tampa, FL, she cooked for us; it was perfect. Here, she and her dad, and her dog, Bodhi, are enjoying the white-sand beach of nearby Clearwater, FL.

MY QUESTION FOR YOU

How do the holidays affect your mental health? Are you ever a sobbing heap? How do you cope with holiday stress and family expectations?

— Debbie